Mean Girl
March 28, 2008
“If someone punches you, punch them back! If someone kicks you, kick their ass! Never let yourself trampled over!” This was the advice I received from my dad when I first got bullied as a kindergarten kid. He’s an ex-marine after all, so that might explain his not so “conventional” advice. And boy, did his advice work. It was a matter of days before I become some sort of tiny queen bee, with a clique and people to bully. And my attitude stayed with me all the following years-giving me popularity, attracting fear but also getting me into a lot of trouble, much to my mum’s chagrin. But somehow, I’ve been thinking of changing. Too much snark really affects your self confidence. And six facial fractures and a couple of days in intensive care make one wonder whether my attitude really isn’t too much. (though in the fracture case I was indeed attacked by a damn psycho but that’s another story).
Anyway, I’ve been making really big efforts to tone it down. But, life isn’t always that easy. So, today the old mean girl got her chance again. One of the general executives from the media corporation I work for annoyed me. ( I am a humble writer for the News TV, this lady is head of the News Agency and of our struggling – and incredibly bad- Women’s channel) She just seems to have a stick up her ass all the time and is really mean to people. Today, she snapped at me. I didn’t react on the spot- my “mean” reflexes must have been rusty. But 5 minutes later I was discussing her appearance with the entire redaction. She isn’t a very attractive woman. And I just happened to point out her strange,wiry hair. And suggest it looks a bit like she has pubic hair on her head. But that wasn’t enough. Even though everybody was laughing at her. When she passed me by I stood up and said “Look, it’s that obnoxious lady from ….channel. God, look at her face! And her hair: it looks like she stuck a carpet to her scalp!” She heard me. Didn’t say a word and left with a really offended face after the looks and the laughs intensified.
Childish, mean and utterly stupid. I know. Yet I felt strangely relieved. The old feeling of power I had in high school came back. Then the guilt hit me. It’s not that I fear loosing my job ( I am taking one month off anyway). But I fear this sort of behavior might only do me damage. I’ve lost friends and was hurt in the past because someone had out-bitched me just by pointing out my bitchiness. And loosing tastes terrible. Now I’m lost. People say my “mean” side is part of my personality and it makes me fun. So, should I give it up or just tone it down a notch?
